janvier 2012
Today is one of those days where I want to run as fast as my feet can carry me into a never-ending grass field and shout out all the air in my lungs in freedom.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung...”
– C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)
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Something fundamental in my life is definitely missing. Waterworks at the drop of a hat and a heart being eaten by bottled up thoughts and emotions. Not to mention, having an internal clock out of sync with reality. I’m going to fall of this rope and finish this balancing act with a bow any time now. I really need some of that alone time. now. I really need to run away from my...
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In the course of walking to my bike and going home after a long day, I thought to myself “Hey, you aren’t thinking. You’re getting caught up. When was the last time you sat down and just melted into your thoughts, into the moment, and life?” I wonder if I’m losing my humanness. I’m failing the promise I made to myself already. Patches of loneliness and of a...
“Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure...”
– Albert Einstein (via 35bit)
Déjeuner du Matin
Il a mis le café Dans la tasse Il a mis le lait Dans la tasse de café Il a mis le sucre Dans le café au lait Avec la petite cuiller Il a tourné Il a bu le café au lait Et il a reposé la tasse Sans me parler
Il a allumé Une cigarette Il a fait des ronds Avec la fumée Il a mis les cendres Dans le cendrier Sans me parler Sans me regarder
Il s’est levé Il a mis Son chapeau sur sa tête Il a mis Son...
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I'm trying to cling onto the past and everything I...
but nothing will help. It’s all quickly fading away from the palm of my hands. I’m getting used to this old skin. I tell myself it’s fine. But no, I just really want to spend the next 48hours or so in either a really bright or dark room by myself, books, music, and the feeling that the rest of humanity does not exist. I see the walls growing around me everyday, encircling me in...
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Sleeping changes. Waking up after 7 hours of sleep tired, exhausted, and unrefreshed. Too light of a sleep and too little reflection. Perhaps pressed thoughts at the end of the day, maybe even week, are now escaping me in my sleep and do not let me fully rest. My soul is wandering and my mind is lost. I only wish to know my own secret again. But I don’t know how to get there from here. It is...
2 tags
2012 Resolution
2011 Resolution
1. Meet more people.
2. Be more confident aka accept myself in public. (It’s getting there)
3. Be passionate about everything I do. To the MAX!
4. Make a difference.
5. Make and save 2k+
6. Give more compliments.
7. SMILE :)
Take the time to reflect and respect my need for silence and solitude everyday.
Healthy diet and exercise
Improve in all forms of music
Design...
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Putting a year in perspective
A year ago, I devoted all my time to my work and no time to myself.
A year ago, I had no meaning, no worth, nor identity that I valued.
A year ago, I felt broken inside everyday and shattered every month.
A year ago, I went to sleep counting the hours I could get.
A year ago, I could see myself deteriorating in the mirror.
A year ago, I woke up scared to death about missing a class or...
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M: Blank, what major are you? I bet you're a humanities major.
C: What do you think?
M: I don't know.
C: Goes to show what you know about me.
M: I don't know anything about you. Why don't you open up yourself to me?
C: -flicks him off-
The real question is why don't you take the time to find the right key to open the door. You know where I live. I Breath. I Talk. But sometimes some relationships are left to float on the surface level.
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They talk about sex so casually, while I clean the kitchen so seriously. All the while, I wonder if they can talk about their own sexual experiences in such a casual but serious manner.
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I’m a stranger in my own home. I see strangers in my home. How strange. I don’t like this person I’ve become in their presence. I miss being someone else.
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Yes, I live my life fatalistically.
I accept my fate, but it doesn’t mean that I accept the fact that I can’t change it and make it my fate. That’s what makes it Fate.
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Walls close in. Everything seems like a dream. Past. Present. Future. So faint is my recollection of the time spent in France. And for all I know, it could have never happened. Being back ‘home’ in the room I’ve created for myself and ‘lived’ in for a year feels like slipping on an old shoe. Everything’s comfortable. Already worn out. No sense of newness....
“What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an...”
– Vincent van Gogh (via 35bit)
Yes, I want to LOVE.
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Today I feel very empty. or free. But you and I know that’s not true. Something’s astir inside that I have yet to express. Perhaps this is the result of not writing for the last 3 days and having too much sleep on my 10hr train from Berlin to Paris yesterday and sleeping still once the night enveloped the day. But I don’t think there will ever be enough sleep for me to...
